When it comes to relationships what are we actually responsible for?
Our early relationships with our primary caregiver/s may have lead to us believing that we are responsible for the feelings of others. Children of parents who make their own emotions more important than that of the child and who communicate to the child that he/she needs to make mummy/daddy feel better are teaching children that other people’s needs are more important than their own. This can create problems in adult relationships where the adult constantly feels guilty about the problems of those around them. This can be exhausting and stressful as the person tries to fix everyone and runs themselves ragged doing so. This dynamic can become even more dysfunctional if an abuser takes advantage of this vulnerability by manipulating the person’s sense of guilt and low self worth.
Understanding what patterns of belief, thoughts, and feelings, we are bringing from childhood into adulthood is fundamental to how healthy our adult relationships will be. Knowing that we are not responsible for the beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and actions of others, but we are 100% responsible for our own, is a healthy place to start.
What are the changes to our patterned beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and actions, we need to make to create healthy and fulfilling relationships?